Elizabeth Meeshim Hogsten
Healing, Growth, and Exploration after Religious Trauma
“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”
– Brené Brown
My Story
I was a good Christian girl growing up. My faith was a central part of my identity. I put God first in everything.
When I was 31 years old, however, my pastors of over seven years were removed for spiritual abuse.
I was relieved because I had felt increasingly uneasy over the years, unable to pinpoint exactly what was off about the church. But I also felt lost.
I was living abroad in South Korea at the time, far from my family and former life. The church had become my family, the center of my life. So the revelation that spiritual abuse had permeated that all-encompassing experiencing left me feeling untethered. Confused. Heartbroken. I no longer trusted my inner compass. And God, who had been my constant refuge and comfort, now felt unreliable.
I ended up moving back to the US and going to seminary, where I wrestled for three years with the Bible, doctrine, and various perspectives of God and ministry. I untangled the complexity of my church experiences and discovered new pathways toward wholeness: self-compassion, somatic (body) practices, and curiosity.
I explored new activities (sports clubs, dating casually, and listening to “heretical” podcasts) and reconnected with old ones (classical music and poetry). I also did four rounds of therapy, went in and out of various churches, conversed with others about their church hurt, and read every book on healing I could get my hands on.
The journey toward healing and clarity has not been easy. It has been hard-earned. And it still continues. I hope what I share here from my journey is an encouragement to you on yours.
My Values
Self-Compassion
Intense religious communities operate with rigid rules in place. This encourages perfectionism, self-criticism, and fear. In our journeys forward, self-compassion is an essential companion that builds resilience in us.
Raw Honesty
In high control religion, we learn to suppress parts of ourselves to be fully accepted. Expressing our anger, disagreements, and questions can be liberating, but also deeply uncomfortable at first. As we experiment with being more honest, we must also create intentional boundaries to prevent enmeshment, something we likely experienced in high control religion.
Letting Curiosity Lead
Curiosity is key. Many religious spaces operate in certainty: in rules and consequences, truth and falsehood, the right way and the wrong way. But when we trade certainty for curiosity, the world opens up in amazing ways.
Core Experiences that Shape My Lens
Homes: Baltimore, Houston, Seoul, Busan, LA
I grew up on the East Coast in predominantly white spaces. I went to college in Houston, where I got to know more of the diversity of America. In Korea, I experienced life as a (privileged) immigrant and outsider, and I have finally landed in multi-cultural Los Angeles as my home.
Biracial Identity
I am biracial, Korean (2.5 generation) and White. Being biracial can be a painful outsider experience, but it has also enabled me to bridge cultures, see mulitple cultures from both the inside and outside, and attune to the pain of others who feel isolated or apart.
Master's of Divinity - Fuller Theological Seminary (2022)
I studied theology, the Bible, approaches to ministry, and pastoral counseling at an interdenominational seminary in Southern California.
Ministry Experience (12+ years)
I have led worship, headed teams, facilitated small groups, engaged in healing ministries, preached internationally and locally, and ministered in over 9 countries. Much of this experience has been in South Korea and Los Angeles, CA.