Elizabeth Meeshim Branson
Healing, Growth, and Exploration after Religious Trauma
“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”
– Brené Brown
My Story
I used to be a “good Christian girl.” Faith was a central part of my identity. I put God first and loved others as best as I could. Through all the changes and challenges of life, God was my rock.
So when my pastors of over seven years were removed for spiritual abuse in 2018, the very foundation of my life felt shaken.
On one hand, I was relieved––I had sensed something was wrong but had not been able to put language to what it was. But on the other hand, I was completely disoriented. The unraveling of that church community pulled on a deeper thread inside me. I started to question my ability to hear God. I started to ask why God allows bad things to happen. I started question the purpose I had centered my entire life on.
I no longer trusted my inner compass. And God, who had been my constant refuge and comfort, now felt unreliable.
In the years that followed, I became aware that my story is not unique. Spiritual abuse is alarmingly pervasive. Even in churches that are not quite as cultish as mine was, many people receive wounds that cause them to question themselves, question God, and question some of the most beautiful experiences of their lives.
For me, the untangling of my complex religious experiences has been arduous, but also led to deeper self-examination and greater freedom.
Religion often offers us certainty. The more controlling a church, the more certainty it claims to offer.
Living in uncertainty with unanswered questions, in between who we are and who we want to be, can be uncomfortable and scary. New pillars of stability have to be formed. New sources of community and connection need to be forged. And for those who continue to value spirituality, new ways of connecting with God often need to be explored.
If you are on a similar journey of untangling and healing, you are not alone. I hope what I share here from my journey is an encouragement to you on yours.
My Values
Self-Compassion
Intense religious communities operate with rigid rules in place. This encourages perfectionism, self-criticism, and fear. In our journeys forward, self-compassion is an essential companion that builds resilience in us.
Raw Honesty
In high control religion, we learn to suppress parts of ourselves to be fully accepted. Expressing our anger, disagreements, and questions can be liberating, but also deeply uncomfortable at first. As we experiment with being more honest, we must also create intentional boundaries to prevent enmeshment, something we likely experienced in high control religion.
Letting Curiosity Lead
Curiosity is key. Many religious spaces operate in certainty: in rules and consequences, truth and falsehood, the right way and the wrong way. But when we trade certainty for curiosity, the world opens up in amazing ways.
Core Experiences that Shape My Lens
We all form particular perspectives of life because of the ways our culture, life experiences, education, and other influences have shaped us. These are some of the experiences and influences that have shaped me.
Biracial Identity
I am Korean (2.5 generation) and White. Being biracial can be a painful outsider experience but also enables me to see multiple cultures from both the inside and outside and has made me aware of many cultural dynamics that can be unseen or misunderstood by others.
Education: Music, Theology, Psychology
I have a Master’s in classical piano performance. Creativity and discipline are core parts of who I am. I also got a Master’s of Divinity after my experience of spiritual abuse, which helped me process my views of God and the church. I am currently working toward getting my MSMFT.
Religious/Spiritual Experiences
I attended a Quaker school growing up, went to a PCUSA church in my childhood, and spent significant time in the charismatic church. These experiences have shaped my understanding of the divine, along with my experiences of God in nature, books I have read, and numerous conversation partners I have had along the way.