Elizabeth Meeshim Hogsten
Healing, Growth, and Exploration after Religious Trauma
“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”
– Brené Brown
My Story
I grew up as a good Christian girl. My faith was a central part of my identity, and I longed for my life to have deep meaning and purpose. I put God first in everything.
When I was 31 years old, however, my pastors of over 7 years were removed for spiritual abuse.
I was living abroad in South Korea at the time, far from my family and former life. The church had become my life. I returned to the States broken, confused, and exhausted.
I was relieved when my pastors were asked to resign because I had known something was deeply wrong with the church (though I had been unable to leave). But I also felt lost. Untethered. Confused. Heartbroken. I no longer trusted my inner compass. And God, who had been my strongest refuge in times of trouble, now felt unreliable.
I ended up moving back to the States and going to seminary, where I wrestled for 3 years with the Bible, doctrine, and various perspectives of God and ministry. I untangled the complexity of my experiences in the church, and I discovered new pathways toward wholeness I had known little of before: self-compassion, somatic (body) practices, and curiosity.
I started doing new things: joining sports clubs, dating casually, listening to podcasts outside the scope of what I had previously thought aligned with my faith. I also did 4 rounds of therapy, went in and out of various churches, conversed with many others about their church hurt, and read every book on healing I could get my hands on.
The journey toward healing and clarity has not been easy. It has been hard-earned. I hope what I share here from my journey is an encouragement to you on yours.
My Values
Self-Compassion
Intense religious communities operate with rigid rules in place. This encourages perfectionism, self-criticism, and fear. In our journeys forward, self-compassion is an essential companion that builds resilience in us.
Raw Honesty (Balanced with Boundaries)
In high control religion, we learn to suppress parts of ourselves to be fully accepted. Expressing our anger, disagreements, and questions can be liberating, but also deeply uncomfortable at first. As we experiment with being more honest, we must also create intentional boundaries to prevent enmeshment, something we likely experienced in high control religion.
Letting Curiosity Lead
Curiosity is key. Many religious spaces operate in certainty: in rules and consequences, truth and falsehood, the right way and the wrong way. But when we trade certainty for curiosity, the world opens up in amazing ways.
Core Experiences that Shape My Lens
Homes: Baltimore, Houston, Seoul, Busan, LA
I grew up on the East Coast in a predominantly white neighborhood, school, and church. I went to college in Houston, where I met peers from all over the country. In Korea, I experienced life as a privileged immigrant, and I have finally landed in Los Angeles as my home.
Biracial Identity
I am biracial, Korean (2.5 generation) and White. While I have often felt I didn’t fully belong in any group, which has been painful, I have also found I am uniquely able to bridge cultures and am attuned to the pain of others who feel isolated or apart.
Master's of Divinity - Fuller Theological Seminary (Sept 2022)
I studied theology, the Bible, approaches to ministry, and pastoral counseling at an interdenominational seminary in Southern California.
Ministry Experience (12+ years)
I have led worship, headed up teams, facilitated small groups, engaged in healing ministries, preached internationally and locally, and ministered in over 9 countries. Much of this experience has been in South Korea and Los Angeles, CA.